Am I in a Cult?
Papi, what even is a "cult" anyway?
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¡Hola Papi!
I was introduced to a guy (let's say Dylan) who runs divine masculine circles for guys in my area. It's basically a group meditation followed by talking about our lives. Being transmasc, I found (and find) a lot of comfort in this brotherhood. My therapy at the time was awful, and Dylan told me he did out-of-pocket counseling. I took him up on it. (I later learned he does this as spiritual counseling and isn't licensed, so he can keep his work out of The System.)
I told my bestie about the Thanksgiving party held by Dylan and the fun but slightly weird vibes I had, and then I told him about my counseling. My friend was adamant that this was a cult and I needed to get far away. I trust him more than a rando I've known for less than a year, so I listened.
This was in December, and I haven't contacted Dylan since. Recently, Dylan held another circle that I couldn’t attend. I feel bummed that I couldn't, but should I be? Is there a world where I can keep my brotherhood and ignore the cult shit going on?
In our last conversation, Dylan said he didn't want to create a cult-like mentality. What do you think? Can cults have altruistic origins, or can they result in a net good? And I guess in the larger sense (if you wanna get philosophical about it), can you have a community of 30 to 50 people with faith as the glue and have it not be a cult?
Signed,
Reluctant Joiner
Hey there, RJ!
At last. A cult letter.
I do think these situations fall under the “if you have to ask” category. It’s sort of like stopping yourself mid-sentence to wonder if you have a bad boyfriend because you’re making the umpteenth excuse for him to your friends at brunch. Maybe. I’m just guessing. I’m not a member of the brunch cult.
In any case, you’ve found the perfect freak to ask this question. I’ve gone down many, many internet rabbit holes about cults. I’m a bit obsessed. I love learning about how cults rise and fall, looking at their common hallmarks, and wondering if I would have fallen into one myself. I’m something of a chronic non-joiner. I’ve never really believed in anything enough to dedicate my body and soul to it.
That’s the appeal of a cult, isn’t it? The dedication? Your malaise fritters away in the holy fire, and you’re left with a singular mission in life. Honestly, it seems kind of nice. I know well that rapturous, distant “cult look” in people’s eyes. They know exactly what they were put on this earth to do, and they’re doing it. The rest doesn’t matter.
It’s no surprise to me, RJ, that people are willing to forsake their families and empty their bank accounts to achieve that state. We live in an often lonely world where a sense of community and purpose are difficult to come by. Unfortunately, of course, some have found ways to capitalize on this for personal gain.
Still, we can’t pretend like “cult” is a cohesive term. There’s a lot of space between Heaven’s Gate and SoulCycle… for now.
No, but really, how would you define “cult?” Is it a size thing, thus excluding major world religions? Is it unconventional behavior, like the Disney adults who wear mouse ears and plan their lifespans around pilgrimages to theme parks? Is it chanting, like what happened to me at yoga one time where I thought I was going to get a nice stretch in but ended up doing a group ritual to summon a demon in Williamsburg? Is it when there’s one charismatic maniac at the center of the whole thing, like… well, like most things? Is it just the general creep factor?