Am I the 'Pity Friend?'
Papi, I'm afraid my friends are just humoring me
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¡Hola Papi!
I’m dealing with a nagging insecurity these days. It’s starting to consume my thoughts enough to where it’s becoming an actual problem. I’m starting to wonder if, in my friend group, I’m something of a charity case, the person who gets invited out of pity. Wow! It looks pretty pathetic writing it out like that, but it’s how I’m feeling lately.
Let me be clear. I like my friends, and I’m fairly certain they like me. But I’m not exactly a fun person, by conventional standards. I’m anxious, I don’t like partying, I have a strict bedtime, I don’t do any, uh, substances, and my definition of a good time looks different from some of my friends’. Which is fine, of course. But it goes a bit deeper than that.
Papi, I guess my sneaking suspicion is that I’m not exactly anyone’s favorite person, and although I feel close to many people, I sometimes wonder if those people, when we do hang out, wouldn’t rather be elsewhere, somewhere more exciting with a more interesting person.
I’m not, like, Eeyore with a rain cloud over my head all the time. I swear! I’m quite capable of enjoying things. But I’d like to shake these dark thoughts off, stop fixating on what others might be thinking about me, and relax in the company of my pals. I’m just not quite sure how. Any help is greatly appreciated.
Signed,
Ms. Charity Case
Hey there, CC!
Always nice to connect with a fellow anxious spirit. The trembling chihuahua in me recognizes and honors the trembling chihuahua in you. But regardless of anxiety level, you’re touching on a fear many of us experience from time to time, probably even the celebrated party girls: What do my friends really think of me?