Fandom Is Ruining My Friendship
Papi, a pop star has taken over my friend's brain
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¡Hola Papi!
I’ve got this friend. Love her! We live in the same city, see each other pretty often, and have fun text convos. The only issue? She’s absolutely, utterly obsessed with a certain pop star, to such an extent that it bleeds over into our relationship. It annoys the hell out of me.
I’ll give credit where it’s due, it’s not like she’s holding a gun to my head and saying “you have no choice but to stan.” Me not being a fan doesn’t seem to matter to her (I like some of the songs). What matters to her is that she brings up [Pop Star] at least once in every conversation with me. She reminds me fairly often that she’s a huge fan, and that this celebrity who isn’t even aware that my friend is alive is her reason for drawing breath every day. I’m not kidding when I tell you that she would, without hesitation, jump in front of a bullet for this person. She would smile while doing it!
Don’t even get me started on her social media presence. I’ve had to mute her on everything because the behavior is frankly scary. I find unfettered obsession to that degree highly embarrassing.
OK, I’ve been ragging on her a lot, and I’m sure you’re thinking, “why be this person’s friend at all?” I feel the need to tell you about the things I like in our relationship. For one, we are two lesbians in a perfectly platonic friendship, and it’s nice to be able to talk shit and gossip and compare notes with someone who “gets it” without worrying about attraction or a romance sparking up. She’s also most definitely been there for me in some of my darker moments, talking me through life problems and making sure I’ve been supported.
The more I think about it, the bigger problem I have isn’t that she’s “too much” with her fandom, necessarily. I have her muted on socials. She doesn’t harp on it IRL to a degree that’s totally unbearable. I guess I just find the whole thing a little pathetic. It lessens the way I see this otherwise intelligent, cool person. It’s like she’s wrapped up in an annoying cult, not even one of the interesting ones involving tantric sex or convoluted theories about the end of the world. She just heard an album she really liked and decided to make it half her personality. I dunno! Feels sad!
Well, anyway, Papi, I guess there’s a question in there somewhere. Do I ask her to tone it down? Is it possible to be in a mixed friendship (half stan, half functioning adult)? Should I embrace her for who she is and hope this is just a phase that will pass, like she’s an angsty teenager going through a Hot Topic era and not a lesbian in her late twenties with a Roth IRA? Why do I see her as so pathetic for being deep in a fandom? Does that say something about me? Any help is appreciated.
Signed,
Not a Fan
Hey there, NF! I love that you’re avoiding the name “Taylor Swift” like dozens of laser sights will be trained on your chest if you dare to utter it. This is about Taylor Swift, right? Or is it K-pop? Either way, I get it. There are many big musicians with ravenous fanbases, and I wouldn’t want to run afoul of any of them. That intersection of free time, raw passion, and internet savvy is a dangerous one better left uncrossed.