Happy Brynnsgiving to All Who Celebrate

RHONY recapped and reviewed

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Photo by amirali mirhashemian on Unsplash

Oh my God, this goddamn shakshouka finally got made. Finally! Shit! I’m a shakshouka fan and all, but my goodness if I had to hear about it one more time. It got talked about like it was a member of the cast. Speaking of, what would shakshouka’s tagline for their (nonbinary Housewife by the way) intro be? I’m going to give it a try. Imagine a skillet of tomatoes and eggs doing a little twirl.

“I love to shak things up, but if you think you can play me, shoukat another thing coming.” 

This job might not be my destiny. 

In any case, Erin’s famous shakshouka that she’s been threatening to make for what feels like most of my natural life is at last prepared after Jenna Lyons chops up some onions wearing half a million dollars worth of diamonds on her wrists for some reason. I guess if I had that much bling, I, too, would wear it to casually cook my acquaintance’s heirloom recipe in her house (located near my larger, nicer house). 

It’s worth noting just how much of the RHONY drama has stemmed from food. Between CATCH! and the “weird cheese” debacle and the caviar on the pringles and the “Ubah going to Provisions” subplot and the shakshouka, this season has taken on a real culinary theme. I wonder why that is? My best guess is that Erin is low key starving all of them. She’s always involved, and it kind of seems like something Erin would do for fun. 

We finally get to leave the Hamptons and return to Manhattan, giving Jessel the opportunity to rehash her floppage with her husband, who, within fifteen seconds of conversation, implies she’s kind of a bitch on national television. Jenna goes to Erin’s house where they play with a porcelain creamer pitcher in the shape of a boob, and I’m not going to lie, I get pretty bored and start entertaining the idea of yelling really loudly into the internet until Ubah sends me a free sample of hot sauce. It would be the first time I’ve ever received free influencer goods, because I am invisible, I am nothing, I am a worm waiting to become dust.

But then the episode re-centers on Brynn and takes on a more emotional tone. Thanksgiving is coming up, and it’s difficult for her as she doesn’t really have family to speak of. While getting her hair done, she talks about being biracial and being raised by her white grandmother who had no idea what to do with her hair, and so took her to a Black salon. 

This, Brynn says, is one of the only places where she could connect with Blackness, which I found really moving, and in a way I could relate. In my award-winning book, ¡Hola Papi! How to Come Out in a Wal-Mart Parking Lot and Other Life Lessons, now available wherever books are sold, I wrote a chapter about going to work at a tortilla factory in an attempt to connect with my Mexican heritage by learning Spanish and recipes. Brynn’s vulnerability about her family life and her upbringing were really poignant. 

It also sets up the gist of the episode, which is that Sai, feeling for Brynn, decides to take a page out of the “gay New Yorker with a wacky religious family” playbook and throw a Friendsgiving, dubbed Brynnsgiving in Ms. Whitfield’s honor. Awww!

Everyone, of course, is invited, and that includes Jessel, who was caught in 4k referring to all the non-Jenna-Lyons cast members as “cackling hags” while recounting her experiences in the Hamptons. Jenna, fulfilling her Housewives brief for the week, brings this information to the group, leaving room for a confrontation between Erin and Jessel at Brynnsgiving. 

Yes, I got a little sleepy in this episode, but I appreciated the opportunity to get to know Brynn better and to hear her story. Check in on your hot, giggly friends who like to show off their cleavage. We are not always doing as well as we seem. That said, I hope we get into some real shenanigans soon, or I’ll need to hit up Provisions for some Monster Energy to keep me awake, or whatever the Hamptons equivalent of Monster is. Yerba Mate? Yerba Monster? 

And now, it’s time for the power rankings. This week, it’s ordered by “who is Jessel” and “who is Brynn Whitfield.” 

Jessel Taank

Believe it or not, this episode made me hopeful about Jessel’s presence on the show. I think she could carve out a really fun niche for herself as the villain if she were to lean into it, and I think she should. When she sauntered into Brynnsgiving wearing the most confusing sweater I’ve ever seen in my life and made an uncouth remark about Erin’s grandmother’s funeral after calling Tribeca an “up and coming neighborhood” and talking about her children networking in preschool, I kind of lived. “The open house was very elevated,” she said of the preschool. The preschool!

Well, that’s my advice. Jessel, just be worse! As it stands, people are talking about how you’re cranky and rude and haven’t had sex since people were unironically wearing pink pussy hats. Sai’s husband had to materialize into an actual presence this episode just to tell the women to take it down a notch while talking shit about you. Your husband implied you were a bitch on TV. Become the Joker! Get a bob! Do something!

Ubah Hassan

I am a dedicated citizen of Ubahville, and the woman can do no wrong in my book. When she shows up, I start clapping and squeal in delight like Lucille Bluth seeing Gene Parmesan. She just didn’t do much this episode, aside from a really funny moment where she’s trying to figure out what “cackling hags” means, looks it up on her phone, sees it is sort of like when a witch laughs, and declares, “I hate the word ‘witch!’”

She will shoot up to the number one spot next week if she gives me a free sample of Ubah Hot Sauce. The power ranking criteria will be “ranked in order of free stuff they’ve given me” and will feature Jessel at the bottom again. 

Erin Lichy

She finally got to make her famous shakshouka, and even made two versions! One with cheese, and one without. Sai did not recognize it as food, but, you know, there’s no pleasing everyone. She was given something to fight Jessel over, which I look forward to, but I winced when she said “she’s going to think my house is a shithole” before Jenna arrived. Let’s steer clear of “shithole,” Miss J6! It gives me flashbacks. 

I liked the end of the episode though where she was eyeing Jessel like Ubah eyeing a sandwich from Provisions in the Hamptons. 

Jenna Lyons

No notes, really, though I’m relieved to finally slot her in a space that isn’t at the top, lest I be taken for a Jenna simp. She’s showing up to her job as a Housewife fifteen minutes late holding Starbucks, but she’s doing the job! Jessel gave her a salacious sound bite that she dutifully telegraphed to the rest of the group, then said she didn’t know why she did that and blamed it on being an old lady. Good job. A+. Hang it on your absurdly expensive refrigerator. See you next week, Ms. Lyons. 

Oh, also, if Jenna ever said of me that I “meant well” but was “trying too hard,” I would go into witness protection. Sending strength to Jessel Taank. 

Sai De Silva

I thought Sai throwing a Brynnsgiving celebration was super sweet, and it made me like her a lot more! Sometimes I’m not sure what she’s up to on the show besides being beautiful and complaining about food, but it’s nice to see her show warmth and consideration for Brynn. Still, as I mentioned earlier, I would like it if we picked up the pace a bit. I would like… some narrative tension. Please. 

Brynn Whitfield

I am rather famously a homosexual, but there’s something so attractive to me about Brynn! Being beautiful and in your thirties and wearing insane outfits and loudly asking the nearest stranger if they’re married is so “me.” I felt so represented, and I loved getting to know her more this episode, especially since it’s never abundantly clear to me where these women come from, if they have jobs or not, and how they ended up so wealthy. Brynn has a compelling backstory, and it really adds layers to her bubbly, outgoing nature. I love you, Brynn Whitfield! I would drink and try to bury my childhood trauma with you any day.

That’s all for this week. See you next time where I really hope Erin Lichy vs. Jessel Taank gives me more to talk about than shakshouka and sadness.