How Do I Make Friends as an Adult?
Papi, I feel like it shouldn't be this hard to be buds
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¡Hola Papi!
A good friend has a birthday coming up, and the invitation says to bring:
A. Any receptacle to drink from that is NOT a cup, and
B. A "rare friend" that hasn't been introduced to other folks at the party (queer friends preferred).
I can do one, but not the other. Besides online friends who live hundreds of miles away, I only have one core group of friends who I adore and who have been my entire social life for the past seven years. I'm not opposed to having relationships outside of these, but it hasn't really happened in a solid way yet. I don't feel lacking in love, but I do feel deficient at forging new relationships. I'm out of practice! I'm also one of those annoying people who never meets anyone from an app. I want it to happen organically.
I'm not disinterested in the people I meet through work or elsewhere, but I've never really been able to take it beyond work or occasional run-ins.
The other thing is that I'm pretty sure this rule for the party is meant to encourage me, specifically, to message someone from a previous job I had a crush on. There was definitely a spark in our connection that could have turned into something deeper. When I left that job I told him, "I'd still love to see you or hang out sometime!" But he never reached back out to say hello when the ball was in his court.
I'd feel strange reaching out to him now after so long to be like, "Hey! Haven't spoken to you since October, but do you want to come to a party with me at a stranger's house where you know literally nobody and we all drink wine out of frying pans and shit?"
This guy is just as awkward as me, and I know I wouldn't be too eager to say yes. If he says no, I'm out of work crushes as options for invites. I'm pretty sure he's not even queer, either. I get the sense I've already failed the prompt.
How do I do any of this?
Sincerely,
Stuck in my Shell
Hey there, Stuck!
Mi abuelita did not drop out of the fourth grade and pick fruit in this country for me to drink Josh wine out of a “receptacle,” but that’s just my opinion on the party theme. Other than that, it sounds fun.
I’ve answered questions like this before, but now is a great opportunity for me to put all my thoughts in one place because I, too, am an adult in the process of making friends and I’m learning a lot as I go. So here it is, my friendship field guide for people whose backs are just starting to make alarming noises. I like the bullet list thing you were doing. I’m going to do that too.