I'm Leaving a Decent Thing
I'm Leaving a Decent Thing
Papi, things with this guy are fine. Can I call things off anyway?
This column is for paid subscribers to ¡Hola Papi! As a paid subscriber, you can read all the columns, leave comments, and send me a letter with a better chance of being answered! Either leave it in the comments or send it to holapapiletters@gmail.com and note up top you are a paid subscriber.
¡Hola Papi!
I've been with "Antonio" for about a year and a half. We broke up three months ago, but are effectively back together, settling into a complicated, not really “on,” not really “off” phase of the relationship. And the thing is, I don't feel like I want to be with him, yet when I start to walk away, there's no repulsion or hurt keeping me away (lucky me though, right?).
I'm not in love, and not feeling the relationship in a lot of ways, but I simply like him as a person enough to doubt my own conclusion. I know it's not fair to stay and give hope because he is rather into it. How do I let the intuition of it not working (which isn't brand new) translate into a rational understanding of how to let it go? How can I have peace leaving what just isn't that bad?
Signed,
Hot or Cold
Hey there, HC!
You should definitely call things off if you haven’t already. If he’s into it, but you’re not, then all that you’re doing is prolonging his suffering. If you really do like this person, then you should have a conversation where you bring a formal end to the relationship.
I think there’s a common misconception about romantic relationships that in order for them to be called off one party has to have committed a grievous error, done something wrong. It’s not really the case. Sometimes two people who otherwise enjoy each other can simply drift in different directions because they have different goals or needs, and sometimes the relationship itself shifts and takes on a new form that no longer looks or feels like a partnership.