Sigh De Silva

RHONY recap and review

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Picture this. You are sitting cross-legged on a blanket in a yoga studio with your eyes closed. I am hitting a giant gong and whooping. An eagle is flapping around inside the room. Your friend sitting next to you asks if you finally had sex with your husband. You say “yes.” They respond, “well, I don’t believe you.” Gong. You wake up in a Manhattan lesbian bar. It was all a dream. Brynn Whitfield is flirting with you to get a free drink. 

That was sort of this episode for me. Just a weird slurry of conflicting vibes and events. Even the editing was off, something I don’t usually notice because I’m a pretty unintelligent person easily hypnotized by even the cheapest of TV tricks. Something about the pacing just felt wrong. 

What is this episode about? Well, for starters, Brynn plays wingwoman for Jenna Lyons at Henrietta Hudson, a Manhattan lesbian bar full of ¡Hola Papi! readers, and she does a pretty good job! Jenna, for reasons I absolutely cannot fathom, asks Brynn if this is her first time in a gay bar. What do you think, Jenna? What. Do. You. Think? 

Brynn, of course, is all about flirting with the girls. “Love is love,” she says as the Human Rights Campaign red equality sign Facebook filter that proliferated 2012 streaks across my brain like a war flashback. “I’ll take it wherever I can get it.” I think I get Brynn’s whole thing. It’s like, “I am a bottomless pit for affection and validation and I barely even care who’s providing it.” Maybe she is a gay man. 

Anyway, they secure a hot woman’s number for Jenna, and we move on to a double date with Erin, Abe, Sai, and… let me check my notes here… David. Not a place I really want to be, but I signed up to watch this show, so here I am. They make their perfunctory shots at Jessel’s sex life (while Jessel is in a boudoir somewhere getting ready to give it to Pavit) and Erin and Abe make brief mention of possibly being swingers some day. 

Erin asks the husbands what they would do if they hadn’t had sex in over a year, and Abe, without an ounce of hesitation, says, “fuck other women.” Can you reel it in a bit, Abe? I mean, wasn’t there a whole kerfuffle about Brynn joking about you being available a few episodes back? Whatever. None of my business, I suppose.

What is my business is the detox ceremony thing Ubah invites all the women to, where a woman pours smoke over them in a room and asks them to commune with their inner child. While meditating, they are asked to set an intention. 

Sai wants to be more present (I must disagree, at least in the context of her being present “on this show”). Jenna wants to be more open and less guarded (sure). Jessel wants to stay grounded (Jessel, no, we need you in outer orbit). Erin wants to be more patient and present with her kids (no comment). Ubah wants to bring all the love that she gives outside to herself (alright!). All I can say is that this whole detox business better not work. We have a Bravo show to produce. 

The only other notes I have about this event is Jenna is forced to say “Jenna, you’re safe. I came from the future,” and that really made me laugh. I’m just imagining a yaassified Jenna Lyons appearing to Judith in her utterly silent house to be like, “Hey girlie, everything turns out fine. I’m selling false eyelashes and on a television show with some deeply unwell influencers. They’re going to elect Barack Obama and that’s going to be huge for you. You are gay.”

It’s also at this… healing ceremony? Where Jessel asks Sai to lunch, which, I’m told, is a Housewives custom. You get into fights, then you go to lunch to pretend to eat and smooth things over. Just like in the real world. After inviting Sai, Jessel has a confessional wherein she says in a sultry, suggestive voice, “I’m all about squashing beef.” What did she mean by this? I love Jessel, but her whole character arc this season is decidedly not centered on beef (in the sexual sense, as it pertains to her husband’s genitals). She’s been meat-free for a year and a half. That’s longer than most people stick to veganism.

Speaking of Pavit, we move to his and Jessel’s staycation, wherein Jessel has resolved to “do the deed.” Brynn has supplied her with some sexy lingerie, which Jessel teases in the hotel room as Pavit’s dessert after their dinner, to which Pavit responds, “can we also get real dessert, though?” He also refers to the lingerie as “interesting.”

Um, we eventually head to Sai and Jessel’s fated confrontation at some restaurant called Champagne that I will doubtlessly be hunting down and patronizing soon. Due to the editing I mentioned earlier, I forgot that this was a lunch with Jessel and, given a previous segment of Sai eating with her daughter, I thought for a moment we were on some sort of eating tour with her completely independent of the plot. 

Jessel, though she is 40-something minutes late (yes, that’s rude, gotta agree with Sai on that), warps into this scene, which confuses me because we never wrapped up her staycation moment with Pavit. Last we saw, he was booting Jessel’s sexy lingerie look (Drag Race reference, sorry). I suppose their evening got wrapped up offscreen and they eventually had sex. I hope so, anyway. I’m quite done with the “Jessel isn’t having sex” storyline.

But apparently, Sai is done with Jessel altogether as a human being. After a (warranted) chilly reception due to Jessel being 40 minutes late, Jessel tries to bring up the heart of the matter. She feels like Erin and Sai are constantly asking her to open up, but then picking apart her story for doing so. 

And, yeah! It’s weird. Jessel can’t share anything about her life without the two of them calling bullshit or without them demanding her to acknowledge how good she had it. I especially don’t get how Erin of all people gets to be the privilege police. It’s big “your richest friend sending you a Venmo request for eating some of their fries” energy. 

Sai, however, is having none of Jessel’s earnest attempts to address this problem, even after Jessel apologizes for sharing her story at all. Jessel also tries to relate to Sai with a story about losing her uncle, but this doesn’t work either. “To be honest with you, I really don’t care,” Sai says before getting up and leaving.

My working theory, between this and the other cast members calling Jessel forgettable, is that they all banked on the idea that Jessel would be disliked on the show. It’s just a theory, but it kind of explains why everyone feels so brazen in dumping on her and in dismissing her. I don’t think they expected the rise of the Taank Top fandom. It might just come back to bite them. 

Oh, I almost forgot to mention. A song plays near the beginning of this episode as we join Brynn and Jenna at the lesbian bar. The lyrics go “We don’t need no sleep because the party don’t stop. So put your hands on me and turn me on, on.” 

Now for the power rankings.

Sigh De Silva

I would appreciate it if Sai was going for a full-on villain moment. But as it stands, she feels more like a really negative coworker that works on the other side of the office, but who I have to check in on once a week, and whose palpable aura of disdain has permeated the entire floor. Getting a Slack message from Sai is the worst part of my day.

Erin Lichy

Oh, Erin. It’s clear she and Sai are on the losing team of this whole thing without really knowing it. In this episode, though, we do get a preview that provides an in-universe reason for the “Erin Lichy parrot outfit” thing I’ve been looking forward to for weeks now. It’s because Jessel, I suppose in the next episode, accuses Erin of being a parrot on Sai’s shoulder. Can’t wait for that. I should also mention Erin talking about being willing to have sex with a gay guy in one of her confessionals, but I can’t really think of anything to say about it. Best wishes. 

Ubah Hassan

Present.

Jenna Lyons

Present.

Brynn Whitfield 

I just love this outfit. You better believe if I ever find myself on a reality television show, I will be wearing an incredibly confusing array of hats. A+ to this hat. Even better, it has a matching bow on the collar. 

Jessel Taank

The sweet spot, in terms of reality TV, is putting yourself in the position of the victim that the audience can sympathize with. I think Jessel is getting there, and I think part of the reason people seem to be stanning her is because it’s a bit unexpected. She’s kind of a lovable underdog who happens to keep notes in her phone about people who piss her off. I have no doubt she wrote some things about Sai after their doomed brunch. 

All in all, kind of a snoozer of an episode. But here’s hoping it’s laying the groundwork for something more exciting down the road. That’s an intention the reboot should set.

See you next week!