Where's My Romcom?
Papi, does such a thing even exist?
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¡Hola Papi!
After my last breakup, I stayed single for six months. No dates, no sex, just therapy, friendships, and long walks with my dog. It helped! I felt healthy and free of the toxic dynamic my ex and I created. So I decided to try the apps (for the first time ever). First date was a shit show (he was so hot, but tried to pressure me into sex). Second date, I felt nothing, but thought he was nice and figured I could try again. That led to a very calm and stable situation over the last three months that I have consistently refused to make exclusive or official. Perhaps that’s a sign.
So, an old friend was in town for a work event and I invited her to come stay with me. This is a person I had a massive crush on in high school, but due to low self-esteem felt certain no one would feel the same way about me. I think deep down I know I had flirty intentions for this trip, but was very much in denial. I even said, “I hope she has a girlfriend!”
Of course, she has a girlfriend. And I’m disappointed. But that doesn’t stop us from flirting and having late night conversations (20+ hours over the span of a week). I start to feel like I'm in a romcom, but then our time together ends. I acknowledge how I feel, they reciprocate (and tell me how attractive I was when we were younger) while making it clear that they’re going back to their life (and wishing me luck).
I don’t know what I was expecting, but it hurts! It felt like maybe this could be the beautiful start of someone seeing me and choosing me and instead I’m left with the first big crush I’ve had in over seven years and wondering if I’m ever going to speak to her again.
This taught me that I have to break up with the person I’m seeing, so I appreciate that aha moment, but what do I do with these feelings of wanting someone I can’t have? I want the romcom ending, but the realist in me knows that won’t happen. How long will this sad puppy feeling last? How do I let go of a future with a person that isn’t meant to be?
Signed,
Hopefully Hallmark
Hey there, HH!
Yes, you’re going through it, aren’t you? There’s a reason Hope was in Pandora’s box with all those demons. Sometimes, hope is the most wicked thing there is, telling us to keep clinging to a prospect we know will never happen, but what if? What if?
First thing’s first, it’s great that a lightbulb went off about your current relationship. If you haven’t broken the news to David Hinge or Jonathan Tinder or whatever his name is on your phone, you should definitely do so.
As an aside, I’m really interested in people who go on a floppy first date but think, “eh, why not?” It’s like the polar opposite of my problem, where I need the heavens to part and one of those freaky angels with dozens of eyes to ask me if I’m ready to be torn asunder by love once again before we’re even done with our first round of cocktails. If this doesn’t happen, we can make out and add each other on Instagram, but nothing more.
Hm. I don’t know how I’m an advice columnist. I should pursue a different career. I should, I don’t know… wash cars. I should build houses. I should shampoo people’s cats. Those are jobs, I think.