I LOVE this question, LW! And I love Papi's wise response, too. I grew up a navy brat, moving every two years, raised by a severely anxious, depressed, rageaholic Mom. I survived on fantasy, starting with books and tv as a kid; then as an adult transferring the fantasy onto real people. You are lucky, LW that you recognize the fantasy as such. It took me many, many years to get what Papa notes through my head: real life, real relationships NEVER match fantasy.
I'm going to go further here, more as a way to be informative rather than suggest that this is an issue for you, but romantic fantasy in particular can be addictive. In my life it was. I would fantasize about having a relationship with my boss. At some point I realized I couldn't stop. And when I did finally "put the fantasy down" I would go through a period of severe withdrawal.
If any readers out there experience this issue, I found support in 12 step groups that focus on sexual behavior. There are many out there: SAA, SA, SLAA to name a few.
Our culture trains us to believe in romantic fantasy, so it's a difficult issue to navigate! Realizing that your fantasy is just that -- fantasy -- will get you far.
I LOVE this question, LW! And I love Papi's wise response, too. I grew up a navy brat, moving every two years, raised by a severely anxious, depressed, rageaholic Mom. I survived on fantasy, starting with books and tv as a kid; then as an adult transferring the fantasy onto real people. You are lucky, LW that you recognize the fantasy as such. It took me many, many years to get what Papa notes through my head: real life, real relationships NEVER match fantasy.
I'm going to go further here, more as a way to be informative rather than suggest that this is an issue for you, but romantic fantasy in particular can be addictive. In my life it was. I would fantasize about having a relationship with my boss. At some point I realized I couldn't stop. And when I did finally "put the fantasy down" I would go through a period of severe withdrawal.
If any readers out there experience this issue, I found support in 12 step groups that focus on sexual behavior. There are many out there: SAA, SA, SLAA to name a few.
Our culture trains us to believe in romantic fantasy, so it's a difficult issue to navigate! Realizing that your fantasy is just that -- fantasy -- will get you far.