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Well, readers, we made it through another year. Here’s my review: What the hell was that?
I don’t know about you, but I barely survived 2023. I had one lovely trip to Thailand in March, and most of my experiences on either side of that were deeply cursed. I hope none of that ever happens to me again.
Things are looking up on my end, though! It’s nice to enter a new year feeling optimistic. I have one piece of good news in particular that I simply cannot wait to share with you, but wait I shall, because I refuse to jinx it.
Also, as I reflect on a difficult year, I must say I feel incredibly thankful for you, the readers who kept me going through some hard times. I’m excited for our future. I’m going to write so much stuff for you. As for the present, please enjoy this trend piece about what’s in and what’s out in 2024. I love trend pieces. They make me feel glamorous and important.
Prophetic visions are not necessarily endorsements.
In: The Niche, the Small, and the Cozy
Once considered too big to fail, the superhero movie industrial complex is showing signs of buckling under its own weight. Whether this is good or bad, I’m not one to say, though I personally identify as a Marvel hater. To be fair, it’s not just Marvel that’s the issue. The problem is studios trying to pump out blockbusters every single month; sprawling, epic projects with bloated budgets meant to appeal to absolutely everyone in a scramble to break even at the box office.
Enough, I say! It’s time to bring back the romcom, the mid-budget crowd pleaser, the auteurs with specific points of view making art for niche audiences. This applies to mediums beyond cinema as well. Be it visual art or music or fashion, it’s time to divest from the dream of mass appeal and focus instead on honing in on a unique aesthetic or voice.
Out: Reboots
We as a society should start letting things die. Death is the nature of things, part of the great circle of which we are all a part, and yet we continue to spit in the face of God by reanimating the corpse of Frasier. We cram John Oliver’s voice into a taxidermy hornbill in a “live action” remake of The Lion King. These projects are uninspired cash grabs by companies allergic to new ideas because they fundamentally mistrust their audiences to like anything they haven’t already seen. Next!
In: Library Cards
2023 saw continued assaults on literature and on library budgets. Libraries are a vital public service providing havens for readers, wanderers, and misfits. Anyone who’s anyone will be getting a library card this year. It’s like carrying a green flag in your wallet. Be sure to accidentally flash it when picking up the bar tab on a first date.
Out: ‘Himbo’
This trend started to wobble in 2023, but it’s time for it to completely topple. At some point, every man with a gym membership and internet access started referring to himself as a “himbo,” the masculine version of “bimbo.” A himbo is defined as a kind, ditzy muscle-head whose heart is too full of protein shakes and creatine to have any room for hate. He is functionally illiterate, but also a natural progressive, due to the purity of his spirit.
The himbo rose to prominence in a complicated, chaotic time. The pandemic and the backsliding of democracy exposed the fragility of our institutions. We were failed by bureaucracy, by the experts, by the nerds. This inspired a political libido for simplicity, for strong, good-natured jocks who are good because being good is all they know. Untainted by greed, the himbo would look at the American healthcare system, for example, and say something like, “Bro, that sucks! It should be free!”
As is the case with bimbo feminism, himbo progressivism casts lefty politics as common sense. “It’s so obviously the right thing to do, even a dumb, sexy piece of meat like me understands it!”
I hope everyone had fun with it while it was trendy, but it’s time to grow up. If you are self-identifying as a himbo, you are probably not a himbo. You have a college degree and at least a cursory grasp on Foucault. Like, you know that he’s the “everything is a prison” guy. That’s not very “hit a new one rep max on my deadlift today RIP Grandma Psalm 73:26” of you.
Maybe it’s fine to be smart. Best of luck defending your thesis, something I guess you consider to be himbo activity.
In: Suspension of Disbelief
I’m sure it has something to do with the ubiquity of social media and the absolute panic it inspires in publishers, studios, and execs of all kinds, but whatever the reason, man, entertainment sure does feel the need to constantly remind us that it’s aware of itself.
Novels will pause to insert some multi-paragraph piece of meta-commentary, delivered by either the omniscient narrator or a side-character’s ham-fisted monologue, that lets me, the reader, know that the author is a good person who doesn’t agree with what’s happening here. Movies will stop to wink at us. Don’t worry! We know we’re doing a tired trope right now! See? We quipped about it!
Even more egregious is when it comes in the form of something like, “Ugh, we know this is a story about a straight white couple! How boring of us!”
Oh my God, just tell the story you set out to tell, stop apologizing for it, and leave the criticism to the critics. Your job is not “being a good person.” Your job is to seduce me into the world and the characters you’ve set up. I give you my suspension of disbelief, you give me a story. It’s all very fair, and I’m tired of storytellers weaseling out of their end of the bargain with this constant meta commentary. Own it!
Out: Squishy Language
Yikes. You know what low-key gives me the ick? All these euphemisms and non-statements we’ve come up with that serve as substitutes for what we actually mean. If you dislike something, if it bothers you, if you think it’s harmful or bad, then say that, and be prepared to say why. People want to insinuate that someone is doing something wrong, but they don’t want to have to be accountable for an actual argument, so they hedge. Stop that. “Stand on business,” as the kids say.
You know what else might perhaps be a possibly bad thing that we could maybe leave behind? Weasel words. Words that I need to eliminate in my own writing! In 2024, let’s just say it, please. Whatever “it” is.
In: Imprecise, Physical Art
The future of AI “art” is yet to be seen, but its present is undeniably tacky. There’s a rapidly coagulating AI art aesthetic, visual elements that are becoming hallmarks of the genre. The hands are always slightly off. There’s a smoothness to the whole thing that feels uncanny. One way artists might respond to this is by placing more value in the tangible, the tactile, the papier-mâché and the glass-blown and the splintery folk art, things that are well beyond the capabilities of any computer. As a primarily digital artist who uses an Apple pencil and iPad, I might have to get my hands on some oil pastels in the near future. Who knows?
Out: Samples
To be clear, music sampling will never truly be out of style. But, my God, the samples have been so lazy these days. You can’t, or at least shouldn’t, hastily affix some new lyrics to “I’m Blue” and call it a new song. I’ve already heard that song. I enjoy that song. It’s nice that you do too, I guess, but what is the point here? What are your goals? Your dreams? I’m bored.
In: Revenge of the Mason Jar
It brings me no pleasure to report this, but 2012 is stirring in its watery grave, threatening to bring back fairy lights and stomp-clap-HEY! music and “hipster” aesthetics. Scientists have found a mosquito trapped in amber and retrieved from it the DNA of a Tumblr user from over a decade ago for cloning purposes. Their blog was all pictures of ballerinas smoking cigarettes and misty photos of lush forests in Oregon. Soon, we'll be sipping white wine out of mason jars at an outdoor wedding. Put your ear to the ground. Do you hear it? Yes, that’s the Lumineers on a massively popular Zach Bryan album. Welcome back.
Out: Publicly Performing Existential Dread
Ooh, you stared into the abyss today? You contemplated the void? It’s so dark, and so cold? We all feel like that all the time.
In: High Fashion X Nerd Stuff
I swear I was thinking about this before I saw the Fendi X Dragonite collab, but it definitely solidified my position. I think there should be a Gucci X Lord of the Rings collection. Oh my God, an Hermes X Magic: the Gathering collection. Prada X Digimon. I want Angemon on a $5,000 coat, and I want it right now.
And why stop there? Let’s go the other way around, too. Louis Vuitton should release DLC for Super Smash Bros. They should design new fits for Kirby, Ganondorf, Palutena, and Diddy Kong that you can buy. I want to do a down-air spike on Yoshi as a dripped-out Piranha Plant in an LV flowerpot.
Out: Cars
Boooooo!
In: Trains
Yaaaay!
Out: Neon Signs and Disco Balls as Decor
Unless we’re talking about a recording studio for a podcast called Adulting Is Hard AF, there’s no good reason for this.
In: Intricate Ceilings
Yes, hit me with that good tin ceiling, those wood beams, that vault, that dome, that texture! Show me a painting of the sky with angels! I want to look up and be reminded that heaven is supposed to be up there somewhere!
Thank you.
You know what’s always “in?” Supporting writers and artists you like! You can do so by clicking the link below. It’s so appreciated, and I can’t wait to see what 2024 has in store for you and me.
See you then!
JP
30 minutes of previews followed by a 2.5 hour movie should be "out".
I agree, agree, agree to all that, Papi! Plus, what’s in for myself in 2024 is to run toward the challenges of things I need to learn and to get done and the dread is out! I going to run toward them like David ran toward Goliath! HUGs!